Fuck It

I don’t necessarily know what my purpose is.

Living in a society where finding or rather falling into that purpose is the golden standard, I’ve often felt like maybe I don’t know myself and have even faked as I did — convincing myself that this one thing is what I’m meant to do while on this earth. That thinking is so perverse, why does my life have to be in service of constantly fulfilling this one passion.

Today, right now, I say no more. No more lies, no more facades, today I stand and write my truth for the sole purpose that it is that and that makes me feel like me.

I cry listening to music that has unbelievably beautiful melodies or hearing lyrics that are reminiscent of hard moments that were often my childhood. I love eating rocky road ice cream because the marshmallows bring me comfort and delicious delight. Lately more than anything I love sitting in my room under the sun sketching and coloring a design that I can't wait to see lift off the pages as a loving melody guides my every stroke.

Being ourselves has become so rare, you can capitalize on it. Isn’t that scary? That just being yourself is something that has to be taught, inspired, or designated to a time or space. There is an internal conflict churning within so many people (I having had been one of them) that needs to be resolved. While I don't have the clean-cut solution I hope through these words you find you can begin the process now.

By starting to be honest with yourself you can begin being honest with the world around you. When we’re accountable and truthful about who we are, who we were, and who we wanna be, we unknowingly influence others to do the same. I think this is one of the ways the world finds peace. Maybe that's naive but I don't care, it's what I feel, it's what I believe. There’s deep reasoning behind that and I challenge you to think about what those reasons may be.

I don’t want to please people anymore, in conversation, in life, never. I want to and I will just be me and if that's not enough then that person isn’t enough for me and is less than the type of person I deserve to surround myself with.

I called this piece “Fuck It” because after watching the movie, F**ck IT, I was really getting the message. You can't live your life in service to someone else and their idea of what your life should be like. YOU can't do what isn’t true to yourself because in doing so you create a life of regret and resentment, you become unhappy.

Regret makes you old and bitterness poisons the people around you”

— One Tree Hill

And most importantly you have to do what scares you! You gotta jump into fear because that's where you grow and find a deep love for yourself, your true self. I accept the unknown as that which will make me stronger and lead me to life’s truest treasures.

I want to keep this happy, creative spirit that has been blooming inside of me. These last two months have been the closest to the best of my life because I've created true projects I love. I’ve been honest with myself and others. That feeling has made and continues to make me so unbelievably happy that the heavy stuff, isn’t as heavy anymore, I can’t carry it all when true bliss lives on inside me.

I’m so addicted to this feeling that now I don’t want to compromise myself in my work, my relationships, or my life. I want to keep creating things that I love and let that expression be enough, no matter if I get paid $100 or $1,000,000.

With that said I must say thank you to my mom, she works so hard, and without her persistence and strength, I wouldn't have been able to indulge in these moments of clarity and creativity. Over these last few months of pure elation, I’ve quietly committed myself to help you find your bliss and I know we will. You’ve sacrificed too much to not get it back tenfold, and I will gladly be the one to help you get it.

I urge all readers, be honest, live that honesty, and fall in love — whether that be with yourself, your art, or a beautiful person that treats you with kindness, humor, and respect. Light lives in all of us and when it's ignited by a person, place, or thing, it is our duty as passionate beings to not let it burn out.

I love you and I hope you find your happiness.

With all the love,

Rosina Ghebreyesus ♥️

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