Godspeed
My biggest fear is that my moment to give my mom everything will never come. That I’ll never get to see her face ease as she lets go of all that has weighed so heavily on her life. I want to see her feel free, I want to see her be happy in an honest way.
When you are left with the responsibility of the outcome of 6 lives, your 7th can slip away. The needs and wants you hold no longer seem to be a priority for you, and how can it? Dropping them off at school, going to work, getting groceries, paying bills, setting doctors appointments, cooking, making sure they aren’t in harm's way, nurturing them, it all becomes too much. But you do it because you love them and because your not the type to walk away.
I often think back to how hard it must have been for my mom, how hard it still is. I always wished I could magically open her eyes to the beauty of this world through my eyes, the eyes of a privileged person who got to live life the way it should be experienced; a manageable amount of stress, and a whole lot of exploration.
Her spirit is honest, she loves without needing a reason and laughs in the midst of utter despair. She can’t see herself through my eyes, and no words can ever make her, but if she could, she’d see a staggering individual with strength like she was from a different planet. A person who is the definition of adversity and moves forward without even knowing how. A beautiful woman with curves and a face you could appreciate till the end of time.
My Mom is my ultimate hero,
Through the lens of her life, she has taught me that you have to claim your happiness, it isn’t given to you. And when you have the chance to fly, you must, because the ability to do is precious and should not be spoiled by self-doubt or the fear of the unknown.
My sister once said being a part of this family is exhausting, draining — I understood it was because from her position she often had to be a part of the solution to big family trials, but from mine, this family has helped me to see that every moment alive, in this life, is one to be grateful of and each day is another to be the best version of ourselves. People make mistakes and forgiveness in that scope is more for you than anyone else.
One day, I will see my mothers face ease and she will be free.
